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What if Super Heroes played Strength & Speed based sports? Part 1: Strength

Posted by Evan Perperis on May 11, 2015 at 7:20 AM

To celebrate the release of the new Avengers movie, here is a themed article regarding super heroes in athletics. It is the distant future and super heroes from the Marvel and DC Universe have successfully eradicated major crime to a point where they are no longer needed in their normal crime-fighting role. Looking for a new challenge, the super heroes we grew up with decide to switch to competitive sports. Despite being a part of groups like Avengers and Justice League of America, they each decide to pursue their passion as an individual. Here is what happens with those that pursue careers in Strength sports:


1. The Incredible Hulk- Upon hearing of his entrance into the sporting world, the powerlifting amateurs rejoices at the possibility of records being shattered while the top athletes in the sport dread the oncoming lifts. The Hulk begins a powerlifting training plan using the cube method. However, after taking a good look in the mirror and then looking at the other powerlifting athletes, Hulk decides to go into bodybuilding instead. The lure of more money and his already low body fat makes bodybuilding a better sport for him. He wins his first amateur contest and his first pro contest qualifying him for Mr. Olympia. Once on the biggest stage of them all at the Orleans Arena, The Incredible Hulk goes on to win a record 9 Mr. Olympia titles before retiring. Despite being the greatest bodybuilder of all time, he has trouble losing the nickname “The Green Ronnie Coleman.” He retires after his record breaking win and Bruce Banner spends the rest of his days happily working at BALCO labs under Victor Conte.

 



2. Captain America- After seeing the success of the Hulk, Captain America also decides to enter the world of bodybuilding. However, he takes one look at the size of the physiques in Mr. Olympia and Captain America decides to move towards natural bodybuilding. He enters contests organized by Musclemania and proceeds to break records for most number of wins, longest winning streak and best posing (thanks to them allowing props on stage and some fancy shield work). He becomes great friends with athletes like Simeon Panda and Mike O’Hearn. His wins are surrounded with controversy though as he is accused of doping via a super serum. Despite obvious drug use, he maintains that he is “all natural”. After realizing there is no money in natural bodybuilding, he switches to Crossfit where he picks up a sponsorship with Reebok. Luckily, despite PEDs being banned by Crossfit, no one seems to care that Captain America is juiced up on “super serum”. He continues in Crossfit with a couple of wins at the Crossfit games, but his reign is far from dominant as athletes like Rich Froning and Jason Khalipa alternate with him on the top spot of the podium.

 

   


3. The Juggernaut- The Juggernaut initially starts training with the Hulk for powerlifting but cannot keep up with the Hulk’s training pace. He enters a deep depression, spends all his money and moves into his van in the parking lot of Metroflex Gym in Arlington, Texas. When the Hulk announces his switch to bodybuilding, the Juggernaut in a bout of excitement bursts through the wall like the Kool Aid man. The owner for the gym, Brian Dobson, issues him a lifetime ban from Metroflex for damaging the wall instead of just walking through the gigantic open garage door. In a move that shocks the powerlifting world, Juggernaut does not follow then training of Juggernaut Training Systems but instead moves to Columbus, Ohio. Once settled, he starts to train at Westside Barbell under the guidance of Louis Simmons. Juggernaut goes on to break world records for the squat, bench and deadlift becoming a legend in the powerlifting world. After two years of utter dominance, the drugs and heavy lifting cause a heart attack. The Juggernaut dies in his sleep well before he reaches what he is truly capable though.

 



4. She-Hulk- She-Hulk knew she was going to get involved in strength sports from the beginning. Instead of entering bodybuilding or powerlifting, she chose Olympic lifting. Preparing for the next Olympics, there was some push back from the athletes from other countries. After almost daily performance enhancing drug (PED) testing, she keeps coming up clean. The other athletes kept pursuing claims that she has an unfair advantage. They eventually convince the IOC to re-instate gender testing, which has not occurred since 1996. As a result, of the gene test for gender, it was determined She-Hulk is an XY female with androgen insensitivity. She was still allowed to compete, just as XY females in the past have done and She-Hulk won gold medals in every lift she entered. After the Olympics, the amount of publicity surrounding her being XY, caused her to regress from popularity where she quietly retired as a housewife.

 



5. Thor- After seeing that all the major strength training sports were already taken by other athletes, Thor goes to work as a personal trainer in the gym, vowing to jump into bodybuilding, powerlifting or Crossfit once he gets his chance. He spends his personal training days talking about how next year is the year he is going to compete, but never does. He continues to talk big but never actually steps into the competitive arena. However, he does maintain an impressive collection of stuff animals he won from carnivals using his hammer in tests of strength to ring the bell.



Check back next week for the super heroes that decided to use their advantage to compete in Speed based sports including everything from running to obstacle course racing.

 

Categories: Strength & Speed, Strength